16 (M) I see all my friends drinking and partying and I I’m not sure if I should do that with them. Im very close with one of my friends and he is doing the same thing and I am somewhat scared if we lose contact because he might be going down the wrong path. I want to move on and build my own future but at the same time have fun with my friends, but every time I hangout with them, I feel a sense of guilt. I want to be successful and maybe even start up a cool business with people and I feel like I don’t have the right connections. I’m stuck on what to do. Recently they have been partying almost every weekend with alcohol and what-not, and I am anxious on what to do because I don’t want to just leave them. I’ve tried alcohol, and it’s toxic and I really don’t like it, and whenever I hangout with them they always want to drink, smoke cigarettes, and party. I’m scared if too that if I also participate in such partying, I will lose my self control and spiral into a loop of alcoholism, and I don’t want that to happen. Ik that people just say “well why don’t you find new friends?”, I can, but I’ve been a very close friend to one that does that. And it seems somewhat selfish for me to do something like that to my friend. I’ve also felt that it is very boring too when I don’t party with them. I feel like im stuck on what I need to do in life to achieve happiness or the pursuit of pleasure. I do like activities like programming and it is something I am really passionate about, but I’m always feeling like I need to go do stuff and party because of FOMO. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. It’s like I wanna work very hard and achieve something great, but also in the back of my mind is that even when I do reach that goal, I’ll lose my friends, I’ll lose people and I’ll be alone in this world with nothing but regret.
What would YOU tell yourself at 16?
byu/Strict_Chemist_405 inEntrepreneur
Posted by Strict_Chemist_405
37 Comments
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Do the things that make you happy. You have all the answers you need inside of you. Follow your gut.
But also don’t think negatively of your friends who are doing different things that make them happy.
“You have ADHD and anxiety, get diagnosed, medicated, research what can help you deal with it, and break up with your gf, you don’t want to waste the next 10 years of your life bro.”
Bro chill you are 16 enjoy your life
I bet they’re having fun. You should have fun too.
You will be ok.
It doesn’t feel like it, but you’ll be ok.
The entire world is going to shut down for like a year. There will be a man in the whitehouse who gives away money to business owners. Your friends are going to get half million dollar loans and hundreds of thousands of dollars in forgivable loans. They will use it on stuff not for their business.
It will seem wrong but take the money
Learn, learn, learn.
Me? Have as much fun as possible. Go out every every night. Cherish being young having no pain. Limited responsibilities. Have to many girlfriends… go get crazy drunk with the boys. But that’s me. I had the best times of my life when I was younger. It’s all just a faint memory now. Also make time for family one day your mom and dad won’t be the same no more there gonna be old low energy bad memory. And it’s gonna hurt you inside to even sit down and have conversations with them. Nothing stops for Father Time. Live it up money don’t mean shit if you don’t have fun. the most funi had in my life was spending not a Lot of money (seriously) you got a long life ahead of you there’s plenty of time to take it serious for now don’t. That’s what I would tell my self…
I mean if you think you are going to regret not doing that then go ahead and get drunk af do stupid shit. It really is fun for some people.
On the other hand, some people just aren’t like that and wouldn’t do it bc they don’t want to🤷
Also, depends on your goals and aims in life
I would for connections and just study looks at the for dummys books. The finachel guy for dummys 20-30 to get started. Learn. Something if you can making yoir own software is good get a library card. And have fun in the process. People love young people that like to work hard.
If someone says no take it as a no (chased after a boy i liked so long it got pathetic and im still embarrassed). Go socialize. Enjoy being young. Also eat as much garbage as you can because the second you turn 24 your body says no and you can no longer get away with eating like a raccoon.
Also school is important. Do your best to graduate on time. Also the kids in your class are gonna be strangers pretty soon after graduation, most of your friends right now will be strangers a few years down the line.
It’s great that you have a sense of self and know what you want. I would say definitely be a stupid teenager. A lot of people I know who restrained themselves or were restrained as a kid to go and be stupid and have fun really went a little too wild in college (in my opinion). That being said keep track of your goals and never let the partying come in the way of those, but make time for just existing and being a 16 year old. 2 things I will say – 1. Don’t go out every weekend, maybe switch to a wholesome activity with the same friends 2. Don’t smoke, it’s a scary addictive path
I’d be too afraid to tell my 16 year old self anything because I like my life now. It took years of things going wrong to end up here, and like the butterfly affect what if I change one thing and everything changes?
But life advice: have fun in your teens. Try to have a few lifelong friendships from it. However, if you go to college, that’s where you’re likely to start making your real lifelong friends. People much more on the same page as you.
Your teens and 20’s are mostly to have fun and make friends. While drinking and taking drugs is certainly not the best move for your health, we all have to admit it can be a great way to bond with people and socialize. It depends on your personality as both sides are reasonably defensible, but what’s right for you won’t be what’s right for everyone else. If partying/etc. doesn’t feel comfortable to you, it’s okay to turn away from it. And it’s okay to find new friends that want to do things you’re more in tune with.
But one thing you realize as you get a little older is that most of the metrics you use to judge the “quality” of other people fall away and everyone is just as human as the rest. In fact, in my experience, the people with the best professional connections are often simply the one’s who can get along the best with all walks of life. And the one’s who end up feeling or being alone are the one’s who constantly try to hold themselves above others.
Also just don’t smoke *anything* regularly.
Btw I’m a 34 y/o doctor who wishes I would have worked less and partied more in high school/college.
TLDR; Live it up while you’re young. Give partying a chance as long as you don’t feel unsafe. Focus on your career later.
Partying on drugs and alcohol is not even fun. It’s just a way to self-medicate your mental problems. Drunk and drugged people are stupid and annoying. Just try to be sober at a party once. It’s getting old in like 5 minutes. It’s much better to find a network of smart and productive people that have goals. Just don’t sit on your ass at home be active and you’ll be much better than drunks.
My favorite age and the age in which I lived happiest. What can I say? I lived it perfectly… no regrets!
Always pay yourself first. That’s it.
I find it hard to believe how many comments are saying “enjoy life” “go party” etc..
Am I the only one who finds this advice ridiculously detrimental?
If I had the chance to tell myself something at 16 it would be to not feel guilty for being different. Focus on yourself and you will attract like minded people. Even if you may seem lonely during the process.
Find healthy ways to deal with feeling alone. Make penpals if you need uplifting companionship. It will also teach you about intercultural appreciation. Exercise or pick up a fun sport to counter the impulse of going out to drink and party.
Very soon, your personal development will set the gap between those “negative” influences. It will happen naturally and you will not regret it.
You will develop a completely new perspective that wouldn’t want to be held back by the social trap of drinking and partying.
Also importantly, let the distance happen organically. Don’t force anything and don’t be rude or arrogant about it. Everyone makes a choice, and your close friend who chooses to party has a choice too. We never should judge or willingly hurt people for choosing their path.
From what I read in your post, I saw your vision towards a goal and I answered based on my own bias. I haven’t chosen the party/ drinking path at 16 and I don’t regret it.
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my “bring a gun to a knife fight” reading list:
never split the difference by Chris voss , 48 laws of power, the game by Neil Strauss, Jordan Peterson book on power, how to win friends and influence people, everyday spy by andrew bustamante, the mom test rob fitzpatrick,
my only warning to you: do no evil.
You have ADHD and need to see a doctor.
Invest early, less money overall to begin with, but in the long run would have made more than I put in.
We invented a time machine. Here I am, as proof. Unfortunately for you, I’m here to answer a paradox.
Develop a skill, earn a following, or start saving
Invest and build projects all the way
Learn about people before learning about technology. Learn the hard way what happens when you don’t
I had the opposite problem at your age. I did solo sports like swimming and spent time playing simulator games. Learned to think not to socialize
Just because they do stuff like that doesn’t mean they’re bad people or they are going down the wrong path. There’s nothing wrong with drinking or getting high or whatever as long as you’re doing it to have fun not using it to cope with your problems or emotions and doing it all the time. There’s nothing wrong with being goal oriented and focused on your future either but it shouldn’t be to the point where it’s too much and you’re basically mentally like an adult. But I will say don’t let other people pressure you into drinking or smoking too much, especially cigarettes because it’s hell to quit
Play that guitar every single day
First off, I want to say that it’s really admirable that you’re thinking deeply about your future and the choices you make. Being 16 is an exciting time, and it’s great that you’re passionate about programming and have big dreams. Here are a few pieces of advice that might help you navigate this situation:
1. Stay True to Yourself: It’s important to stay true to your values and beliefs. If you don’t enjoy drinking or partying, don’t feel pressured to do it. Making a strong stance and sticking with it will not only earn you respect but also help you stay on the path you want for your future.
2. Communication is Key: Talk to your close friend about your concerns. Good friends will understand and support your decisions, even if they choose a different path. You might even inspire them to make healthier choices.
3. Balance and Moderation: It’s possible to have fun without compromising your values. Find activities that you enjoy and invite your friends to join you. This can help you maintain your friendships while staying true to who you are.
4. Quality Over Quantity: It’s okay to seek out new friends who share your interests and values. This doesn’t mean abandoning your old friends but expanding your social circle to include positive influences.
5. Focus on Your Goals: Your passion for programming and desire to build a future is something that will serve you well. Keep working hard and stay focused on your goals. Success often attracts like-minded people who will support and encourage you.
6. Fear of Missing Out: It’s natural to feel FOMO, but remember that making choices that align with your values is more fulfilling in the long run. You won’t regret staying true to yourself.
7. Don’t Rush: You have plenty of time to figure things out. Enjoy being young and take things one step at a time. There’s no rush to have everything figured out right now.
Remember, it’s your life and your journey. Stay true to yourself, and don’t be afraid to make decisions that are best for you. You got this!
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Climate change is real. Learn how to garden and raise chickens.
Learn to dance sooner. I’m not a big drinker but once I learned to dance I was able to avoid most things by saying I rather dance
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Go out and communicate with people ,teachers try really taking to them on their level and learning .
Learning skills is fine, but right now, you will benefit immensely from connecting with other generations and learning from their mistakes .
Just be respectful to tell them that you appreciate them teaching you, and it must be difficult .
It is difficult to teach, and there are various levels in life
. This will build confidence and will make sure you are able to retain information from conversation from tour quote un quote (rich dad)
Rich dad, poor dad, = different perspectives unlock your true potential
Your time will come, dont get it out of your system. There is nothing to get out
Also, the best thing you can do for a friend is just talk to them, don’t tell them what to do but just communicate with them .
We all have our paths to follow. If you follow a positive one,t good people will gravitate to you.