Post-retirement divorce – pension

I have a friend who is in an unhappy marriage with an enlisted man who retired from the military a few years ago and is receiving a military pension.

She wrote this to me: “I have asked for a divorce which he will not grant due to the fact the military considers it abandonment and I will get half of everything. If I institute a divorce, I get nothing. I have seen a lawyer about that.”

I tried to research this, but the answers are vague, and the state of residency is apparently relevant. They live in Virginia. Is this more a matter of how the state of Virginia handles marital assets? Or does the military control how pensions are handled in a divorce?

If there is a better Reddit forum to post this on, please let me know. Thanks.